Starting is the hardest part

On the last day before starting my new job I was eating lunch with a bunch of my old coworkers.  Amidst the excitement and congratulations, an older friend of mine pulled me aside.  The gist of his message was "you are at the top of your game here, you've invested time and learned the tricks of the trade.  When you start tomorrow, you will be at the bottom again. You won't know how to enter your time -let alone what you need to do to succeed.  Don't get discouraged; these things take time, and you will be better off in the end because of these growing pains."

And right he was.  I quickly learned that I had zero "technical expertise" in my new job - this was easy enough to fix.  I had a patient boss and Google at my finger tips.  What really came as a blow was having to start over with my team.  I had left co-workers who had felt like family, and now I felt like a foreigner intruding on someone else' family. 

I must admit, I gave in to my shy tendencies, and let myself be overwhelmed with feelings of awkwardness.  For months I came to work and watched others partake in team outings that I was not invited on, and i laughed at inside jokes that I was clueless about.  I tried being the nicest, most fun version of myself, but everyone can recognize someone who is "trying to hard," and not being authentic to themselves.

However, I also pushed through feeling uncomfortable and forced myself to ask coworkers to lunch.   It was a small step, but felt like a major victory to me.  Over time, I was able to build relationships with the coworkers I was compatible with, and before I knew it, the lunch invitations were reciprocated.  I slowly built up a new "work family" that I am happy to call both my coworkers and friends.

Now, over a year after I started my job, I am finishing this blog post that I started back when I was not exactly sure where I fit.  Although the process of fitting in was wildy uncomfortable at times, I am so grateful for the people I have gotten to know thus far.

The only regrets I have throughout this experience are related to not being strong enough to carry myself with confidence  while I was navigating the waters of a new work environment.  Even though I don't have a career move on the horizon right now, whenever it does happen I want to reread this blog post and remind myself to stay true to myself, and stay confident in who I am even if that means I won't make it into the "cool crowd" for a while.